[This post is aimed for the massive demographic overlap between NBA fans and people who played piano according to the Suzuki Method as kids.]
1. Twinkle, Twinkle Little Star = Chris Paul
You thought I was going to say Earl Boykins, right? That would be a) too obvious and b) inaccurate. Boykins has never been a star.
2. Theme [Left Hand Only] = Manu Ginobili
"Theme-Left Hand Only"
I kid! Ginobili can dribble right, but is known to favor the left hand.
3. Allegro = Leandro Barbosa
"Allegro"
Allegro describes any quick movement in a musical piece, and that is an appropriate word for the reigning king of speed in the NBA. He may have to cede his title in coming years, though, to…
4. Allegretto = Darren Collison
"Allegretto"
A slightly less quick movement in a musical piece.
5. Ecossaisse = Tracy McGrady
“Ecossaise” literally means “Scottish,” and no one has a more Scottish name in the NBA than Tracy McGrady. Runners-up: Javale McGee, Josh McRoberts, Antonio McDyess, Dominic McGuire.
6. The Happy Farmer = Matt Bonner
"The Happy Farmer"
Bonner just seems like a happy farmer to me. Jordan Farmar might seem like the obvious choice, but he doesn’t strike me as a) a farmer, or b) truly happy. Then again, is anyone happy on the Nets?
7. Teasing Song = Kevin Garnett
"Teasing Song"
His treatment of Jose Calderon a couple years ago justifies this connection by itself, but Garnett has a reputation as the preeminent taunter in the NBA. Would be more appropriate if the song had an F-bomb in the title.
8. Cuckoo = Ron Artest
No explanation needed.
9. Gavotte = Tony Parker
This French dance, “resembling the minuet, but requiring a more lively movement” seems appropriate for the quick Parker.
10. Musette = Boris Diaw
Another French dance, not quite as fast as the Gavotte.
11. Bagatelle =Stephen Curry
“A piece of verse or music in a light style.” This description fits Curry’s rail-thin frame and airy, elegant game to a tee.
12. Für Elise = Dirk Nowitzki
Classic, refined, German, Nowitzki’s jump shot has all the qualities of this famous theme.
13. Go Tell Aunt Rhody = G’Othello Antrody*
14. Rondo** = …
"Rondo"
* Not a real player
** Making this lame joke was my whole motivation for writing this piece. I apologize.
As someone who falls into the demographic of NBA fan/childhood Suzuki piano player, I appreciated this piece and its references. I would also suggest that Lightly Row = Anderson Varejao for he flops from the gentlest breeze, like the tiniest sailboat.